So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
