We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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