Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
