Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
