Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
