Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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