This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
