she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
