Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
