I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
