So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
kristin has been a bad kristin
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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