hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
