I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
