Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was born a porn star she said
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
