but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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