That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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