I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Randomize
