How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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