mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
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