So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
