We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
