please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
