Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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