We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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