just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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