Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
