Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
