haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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