I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
