Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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