bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
