you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
