Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I will pee on everything he values.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
