My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This is classic penis vs brain.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Randomize
