Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I am one with the molecules
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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