sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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