I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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