she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
