I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Church boner. Awkwardddd
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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