I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
