GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
