Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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