My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
