He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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