I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
