That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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