There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
