Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
