Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I think your dad took our porno
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
