sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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