We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
