Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
