he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
