I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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